I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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