man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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