New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
