You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
