I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
