I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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