You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
