If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
