You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
