Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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