hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
