I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
How does one acquire holy water?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He has the fingertips of a God
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
