I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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