Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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