Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
