I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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