Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
