can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
