it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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