We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
