Why are handjobs necessary in class?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
