I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
