The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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