I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
