your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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