She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
