I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
