I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
