Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
And then he peed in my hair
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