and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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