nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
