i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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