First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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