Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
third nipple confirmed
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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