Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
