i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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