Can Purell be used as lube?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
