I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
