I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
