Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
