watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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