He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
