Fuck appropriateness.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
