Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
