Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
