if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
