I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
