Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My ass is underappreciated
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
