i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
