i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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