I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
